Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships? Here’s How to Tell

Ever catch yourself asking, “Why does this keep happening?” You meet someone amazing, but suddenly, you start pulling away. You pick a fight over something small—or attract the same unavailable partners over and over again.

Sound familiar? You might be sabotaging your relationships—and not even know it.

But here’s the thing: self-sabotage isn’t about being toxic or broken. It’s your brain’s way of protecting you from emotional pain.

Let’s break down how this shows up—and how to stop it.

1. You Expect It to End Before It Begins

Do you feel like you’re just waiting for something to go wrong?

If you’ve been hurt before, your mind might be wired to anticipate abandonment—even when everything’s fine. To avoid the risk, you create distance:

• Ghosting someone before they can ghost you.

• Avoiding deep conversations.

• Keeping things casual because it feels safer.

But here’s the truth: it’s not that you don’t want connection—you just fear losing it.

What to Do:

• Notice when you assume the worst without evidence.

• Challenge the thought: “What if this works out?”

• Let yourself feel a little uncomfortable with closeness—it’s not as dangerous as your brain thinks.

2. You Keep One Foot Out the Door

You’re in the relationship—but not really in it.

• You text your ex “just to check in.”

• You mentally plan your exit strategy in case things go south.

• You hold back emotionally, keeping your guard up.

Keeping your options open feels like safety—but it blocks true connection.

What to Do:

• Ask yourself: Am I all in or halfway out?

• If trust is the issue, have that conversation.

• If it’s fear of vulnerability, remind yourself: real connection requires risk.

Final Thoughts:

Self-sabotage isn’t about weakness—it’s about fear. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of losing yourself. Fear of intimacy.

But real connection? It needs risk. It needs honesty.

So, how have you been holding yourself back in relationships? What’s one small step toward deeper connection you could take today?